This is the transcript for the episode "Mad Mod".
(Opening shot: a brown screen. Robin sits up after a moment with a huge gasp, giving the camera an extreme close-up of his face.)
(Pull back. This place is a large, partially lit atrium with several balconies running around the walls, as well as paintings hung everywhere. The brown is the polished wood back of the chair he is sitting in. Wrists and ankles are securely bound to it; Robin struggles against the restraints, but cannot get loose. Near him is the shadowy outline of Starfire in a chair of her own. Close-up, panning slowly across. Now the lights have fully come up to show one Titan after another also clamped into chairs. They are all half-unconscious, but come around with assorted groans, and each has an additional binding: red energy rings at Starfire's wrists, steel straps over Cyborg's chest, a white energy band encircling Raven's, and giant rubber bands on Beast Boy's.)
Cyborg: (during the previous) What?
Beast Boy: Huh? Am I the only one who has no idea where we are?
Voice: (male, Cockney accent) Why, you're right where you belong, my duckies.
(Beast Boy gasps upon hearing these words. Cut to the speaker, a man standing at an open set of double doors on one balcony. Light from the other side obscures him for the moment, but a cane can be seen in one hand. This is Mad Mod.)
Mad Mod: You're in school!
(He leaps onto the banister of a nearby staircase and slides down it, giving the camera a full view of himself. Early forties; red hair in a Beatle cut with muttonchop sideburns; small rectangular sunglasses; sportcoat with the design of the British Union Jack flag; black shirt; white kerchief tied at the neck; white pants; brown shoes with black socks. The cane is topped with a large ruby. Landing near Starfire, he twirls it in one hand.)
Mad Mod: That's right, lads and loveys. You're the only students at Mad Mod's Institute for Bratty Teenage Do-Gooders. (He tosses the cane high, to his other hand, and holds it out.) And it's high time someone taught you sprogs a lesson.
(During this last sequence, the floor is seen to be tiled in a black and white checkerboard pattern. White light flares from the ruby as Mad Mod finishes. Cut to a pan across the scared, straining Titans, from Robin to Beast Boy.)
Beast Boy: Uh-oh.
(Fade to black.)
OPENING THEME (sung in Japanese)
(Opening shot: Mad Mod strolling leisurely toward the camera, the ruby on his cane is blazing. As he nears the Titans, he raises the stick for a swing.)
Robin: Titans! Move!
(Pan across the others, who are unable to break their bonds; Beast Boy cycles through lizard and cobra forms as he strains against his. Mad Mod is now prancing around at the foot of the stairs and twirling the cane.)
Starfire: My starbolts are useless!
Mad Mod: Specially designed chairs, love. (Close-up; he leans into her face.) Can't have those nasty superpowers disrupting my lecture now, can I?
Robin: (from o.c.) Get away from her!
(The bizarre Brit straightens up, glances over at Robin, and thrusts the cane into his face. Its ruby flares up anew, more intensely, and Robin recoils from the glare as far as he can.)
Mad Mod: Now don't get your knickers in a twist, my little snot. (He backs off.) I didn't go to all the trouble of building this school and filling your tower with knockout gas just to finish you off lickety-split.
Raven: Then what do you want?
Mad Mod: Just what I said, dearie. (leans into her face) To teach you lot a lesson! (turns away and scratches himself) Yes, I've been watching you children misbehave. And I hate misbehaving children.
(He points the cane off to one side; quick pan to that wall. A picture of him, done in the style of Andy Warhol, turns around to show Cyborg and Raven beating on Thunder and Lightning.)
Mad Mod: (from o.c.) Fighting crime.
(Pan to a second such painting, which swivels to show Robin and Starfire cradling kittens they have rescued from a blazing fire behind them.)
Mad Mod: (from o.c.) Saving lives.
(Pan to a third picture; this one turns to show Beast Boy, as a dog, pulling down Plasmus' shorts.)
Mad Mod: (from o.c.) Interfering with the plans of hardworking villains. (Back to him and the Titans.) Why, you lot are nothing but a bunch of troublemakers!
(His perspective, panning across the five captives. As he points the cane around, each in turn reacts with varied expressions of fury.)
Mad Mod: But you'll learn your place soon enough. (Back to him.) You see, I'm older than you, so I'm bigger, badder, and better.
(Zoom in on each of the last two adjectives to an extreme close-up, then cut to Cyborg.)
Cyborg: Say wh--?! (Cyborg is bashed with the cane.) OW!!
Mad Mod: You're in my world now. And you won't be getting out 'til you've learned some proper respect.
Robin: We will get out. And when we do--
(A gesture of the cane is followed by the ringing of a school bell.)
Mad Mod: Oh, dear, there's the bell, my duckies. (salutes) Off to class!
(Pan across the row, from Beast Boy to Robin; the floor tile under each chair opens like a trapdoor, dumping chair and Titan out of sight. Cut to another area, the camera pointing at the checkerboard ceiling. Robin drops into view and makes a perfect four-point landing in the middle of the floor. Chair and camera rotate until both are facing a large blackboard. Pull back; the side walls are blank, the board is on the end wall, and two busts of Mad Mod flank it. The man's face is quickly drawn on in chalk as the board speaks with his voice.)
Blackboard: Now how can I teach you anything if you won't sit still and listen? (A wooden hand extends from the chair's top edge and grabs Robin's head.)
(He tries to wriggle out of the grasp, but with no luck; it is pulling back on his scalp, forcing his eyes wide open.)
Blackboard: One of my hypnoscreens ought to get your attention and it'll erase everything in your brain as well.
(On the end of this, the chalk face swirls away and the board is replaced by a pulsating pattern of concentric black and white rings. His laughter rings in the room.)
Robin: (straining on every word) Can't let him hypnotize me...got to stay focused...
(Zoom in slowly on his face; his eyes are pulled even wider open, and the pattern starts to affect him. Pull back across the room to show the rings flashing across every wall. With great effort, Robin manages to tip the chair onto its side, breaking some of the wood from one of its arms. Underneath, his wrist is held down with a metal clamp. He flicks a small lockpick out fro one finger of that glove, uses it to free that arm in short order, and tears the wooden hand from the chair top. One hard throw cracks the hypnoscreen wall and puts it out of business; now he sets about freeing his other three limbs. The other walls have returned to normal, and Mad Mod's voice makes itself heard over a hidden speaker.)
Mad Mod: Naughty snotty. If you're gonna destroy school property, school property's gonna destroy you.
(Cut to the ruined wall. Something very large starts to push through; it is a fabric screen, and the camera pulls back to frame this: an enormous missile ready to launch.)
Mad Mod: Right, then. Count along with Moddy.
(One of the two busts extends laser muzzles from its eyes and spinning blades on jointed arms from its ears.)
Mad Mod: Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four...three...two...one!
(The following things occur during the countdown. On "ten," the bust and its identically aimed counterpart move in and fire at Robin. On "eight," he rolls across the floor and hurls himself at them. On "six," he hides behind one and ducks as the other fires and blows its head off. On "four," he pushes the remains aside, gives the missile a good long look, and bolts to the ruined wall. Finally, on "one," he dives through the cloth to make his escape.)
(Ignition. Cut to a head-on view of Robin, now going full tilt down a tunnel done out in the checkerboard pattern. The weapon roars up behind him, entering through a trick black panel, and detonates with a blast that throws him against the wall. He stands up and dusts himself off before polishing the R on his tunic.)
Robin: There goes my shot at perfect attendance.
Mad Mod: (from o.c.) Don't be so sure, my little duckie.
(Shift to point down the tunnel. Sure enough, there he is down the way, now wearing a dark suit. This will be his basic outfit for the rest of the episode.)
Mad Mod: You may be out of the classroom, but class is never dismissed.
(He goes up the side, so that he is standing upside down on the top surface, and runs at the camera. Side view: he passes overhead as Robin jumps up in a vain attempt to grab him.)
Mad Mod: Next lesson: physics!
Mad Mod: What goes up, stays up! (He laughs and runs off.)
Robin: Until I take it down!
(The chase begins, ranging through a network of staircases and arches that connect floor to floor. Tilt up to follow them; through a trick of perspective and design, the checkerboard ceiling has more stairs coming down from it. M. C. Escher would be proud of the overall effect. Now they move into a region of black and white cubes, Robin right side up and Mad Mod upside down, approaching from opposite directions. The camera turns 180 degrees to reverse their positions, and the Titan tumbles to his enemy's level with a yell and a thud. Mad Mod hops over him and runs off.)
(The chase resumes, now against a field partially filled with checkerboard tiling. The upper portion is filled with vertical black and white stripes; the overall effect is of a half-woven basket. Mad Mod and Robin dash along the interface between the two regions, disappearing briefly behind each black stripe. Suddenly, the redhead doubles back and descends a staircase hidden among the squares, and Robin stays hot on his heels. Now they move into an area consisting of two side-by-side sets of concentric squares. Mad Mod runs into the left set, a tunnel, and does a sharp turn into one of the white bands. When Robin tries to follow, he runs flat into a wall.)
Robin: How did he--?
(Mad Mod emerges on the right and runs o.c. while blowing a raspberry back at him. Robin gives chase. Cut to a closed door and pull back as he opens it and enters. A loud whistle from o.c. draws his attention; he sees the crazed Englishman at the top of that long staircase seen in the prologue. They are back in the main atrium.)
Mad Mod: (twirling his cane) You may as well chuck in the sponge, laddie! You can't catch the likes of me!
(Determined to prove him wrong, Robin charges toward the stairs and bounds up the banisters. A wave of the cane, and we see a close-up of him, running full tilt, then his feet pounding up the steps. Pull back slightly to frame all of him, then back farther to show that the staircases have become long escalators; he is on the down one and getting nowhere fast. Mad Mod stands at the top, against a black-and-white sunburst, but this soon gives way to the normal wall.)
Mad Mod: Now what did I tell you? Children today won't listen to their betters! Have to learn everything the hard--
(On the end of this, cut to a close-up of a birdarang thrown by Robin, whirling through the air, then pull back. It ricochets off the railing in front of the Cockney crackpot.)
Mad Mod: Hey, oy! No throwing things while teacher is talking!
(The "miscreant" fires a grappling hook that embeds itself in the wall above the doorway as Mad Mod runs out, then reels himself up to the landing. Cut to the other side of the doors; he bursts through and stands up for a look around. One eyebrow jumps in complete surprise, and the camera cuts to behind him and tilts up slowly to show the whole place. He has come out in an atrium that looks exactly like the one he just left.)
Robin: What?!? (Back to him.) You've gotta be kidding me!
Starfire: (from o.c.) NOOOO!!
(Cut to a set of very tall library shelves, with a ladder set up to reach the topmost levels of one of them. Robin climbs this; tilt up slightly to frame this area, a maze of shelves stretching as far as the eye can see, and a checkerboard ceiling over the lot.)
Starfire: (from o.c.) NOOOOOOOOO!!
(Pan across the library to show that another hypnoscreen has been set up among the stacks. Cut to it; the display is shaped like a giant book, propped up and open, and rows of desks have been set up before it. Starfire is at the rear center, thrashing from side to side with her eyes tightly shut, but two thin arms reach from the top of her chair.)
Starfire: I will not read your book of meanness and swirls! (The arms grab her head and force her to face front.)
Mad Mod: Now, now, love, it's for your own good. (She begins to succumb.) Nothing teaches discipline and respect like a brain-erasing trance.
(She closes her eyes on the end of this, but the wooden fingers soon pry them back open; she gasps in shock and looks upward. Tilt up to the ceiling, where a large section of tiling opens to reveal a giant rubber "OVERDUE" stamp. The letters are shaped backwards, right to left, so that the word can be properly read after use.)
Mad Mod: Besides, if you won't stop squirming...
(It pistons down and stamps the floor, crushing a few desks to splinters.)
Mad Mod: ...I won't stop squashing!
(The stamp moves closer and cycles again. Gasping in sheer terror, Starfire renews her efforts to get out of that chair; her head has been released. Now it comes down right in front of her, throwing bits of wood in her face. As she stares, horrified, the string of huge rubber letters positions itself directly over her head and hurtles down. Overhead close-up of her; as the oblong shadow falls across her face, she lets go with a scream of abject fear. Fade to black.)
(Opening shot: a slightly longer overhead view of Starfire. The shadow of that rubber stamp falls on her, and she screams much longer and louder than before. Robin dives across the floor and plows her out of the way a split second before OVERDUE is stamped into the tiles. Pan to them; the chair has been knocked onto its back, and Robin pulls out a tiny welding torch to attack the energy restraints that have been neutralizing her starbolts.)
Starfire: Are all the schools on your planet this horrible?
(He frees her. New problem: books come off the shelves and start flapping toward the two Titans like giant bats.)
Robin: Come on!
(She is yanked up and o.c. with a gasp; a moment later, some of the books hit her chair and explode, blowing it to bits. They reach a set of shelves and head straight up; Robin climbing, Starfire flying, as more volumes hit and detonate all around them. Robin is jarred loose by the blasts and falls screaming back toward the attacking literature, but Starfire makes a last-second grab and hauls him up.)
(They leap along the tops of the shelves, avoiding the oncoming books while Starfire shoots one or two down, and the camera pans to follow. Cut to a closed door, "Library: Quiet Please", set in a wall that is tiled with concentric squares. Starfire and Robin burst out, slam it shut, and lean on it with their full weight; a final, hefty explosion from the other side nearly pushes it open again. Smoke drifts out through the cracks as Robin strides away and she follows.)
Starfire: Robin! I wish to thank you for rescuing me from-
Robin: Don't thank me yet. (They stop.) Mad Mod still has us right where he wants us. I know we could take him if we could just get our hands on him. (Busts roll up behind them.) But every time we get out of one trap...
(Starfire turns to look behind and gasps upon seeing them. Close-up of the sculptures, panning slowly across. The sunglasses on one slide up the forehead and a missile pops out of the nose; spinning blades emerge from another's ears; a third's jaw opens to reveal a stun gun; the hair of the last rises to show a cannon inside the head. Sight gag: Robin's head has grown a few sizes, a vein throbs on his temple, and he looks something like a very annoyed caveman.)
Robin: (through gritted teeth) ...there's another one waiting.
(The gag ends. He gets ready for a little kung fu action, but Starfire thinks better of it when a cannon shot lands too close for comfort. She yanks him off into one of the square patterns.)
Mad Mod: Run, my duckies! (Overhead view of them, heading left to right.) Run all you like, but you'll never get out!
(On the end of this the camera turns 90 degrees to frame them now moving from bottom to top, then moves ahead to show a spiraling pattern of concentric squares just ahead. They reach it and tumble screaming toward its center-gravity has just hiccuped again. Cut to inside another room, near ceiling level; the tiles are all white here and marked with the symbols of the periodic table. Some giant models of molecules have been set up as well. As the yells grow louder, the tile marked for Zirconium flips open and the two teens drop out. Robin tumbles along the floor while Starfire brings herself to a midair stop above him; pan to follow them across. Giant beakers and test tubes filled with solutions line the walls, along with a microscope and a Bunsen burner, we have just reached the chemistry lab. They now head further into the room; as they pass behind each container of chemicals, their image distorts in a different way.)
Mad Mod: It's no good procrastinating, really, because sooner or later, you'll both end up like him.
Robin: (as the camera pans ahead) Beast Boy!
(Stop on the end of the lab, where a few desks have been set up. A head can just be seen over the top of a chair that is front and center, positioned for a full view of the overhead projector screen that hangs down from the ceiling at an angle. The hypnotic pattern is playing across it. Head-on view of the chair; it is indeed Beast Boy, wearing a dunce cap, fully under the screen's spell, drool running down his chin, babbling incoherently. Robin and Starfire move in for a look.)
Mad Mod: Ah, yeah. A model student, that one. Lovely. Sits there, quietly, never thinks about misbehaving, matter of fact, he never thinks at all! (Laughter.)
Starfire: Beast Boy! Awaken! (waves in his face and removes the cap; Robin uses his torch) Your friends are here! Beast Boy?
(She snaps her fingers; no good. Now she steps to the screen and warms up a starbolt to knock it out, but Robin stops her before she can fire.)
Robin: Wait! Trust me.
(Pan back along the length of the room. The test tubes blow their stoppers and all the chemicals in the place boil over. Colorful toxic slop spreads across the floor, dissolving desks as it reaches them. Robin frees Beast Boy from the chair and hands him to Starfire.)
Robin: Here's your hall pass. Meet you outside.
(She flies away, and he leapfrogs along the disintegrating desks to traverse the lab. Riding one like a surfboard, he approaches the door, where Starfire has already made it out, and vaults to one of the molecular models and then over to her. He ducks through the door and slams it shut. Fade to black.)
(Fade in to the hypnoscreen pattern and pull back to show it still playing in Beast Boy's eyes. He is back in the main atrium.)
Starfire: Beast Boy?
(Pull back. He sits crumpled on the floor, with Starfire and Robin looking down concernedly, and he is now drooling all over his clothes.)
Starfire: It is I, Starfire, your friend. Please! Speak to me! (louder) Beast Boy? Beast Boy?
(She knocks on his head a couple of times, then sucks in a huge breath. Sight gag: her head grows too many times normal size, and her next words are delivered with enough force to push the boys' faces back on their skulls. Robin shoves his fingers in his ears.)
Starfire: BEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSTTTTTT BOOOOOOYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
(Close-up of him and Robin on the end of this. The gag ends. Robin is left a bit stunned when the yell finally dies away, but Beast Boy just drools and babbles some more before keeling over.)
Robin: Ah, Star? I don't think that's working.
Starfire: But we must do something or he will remain this way forever.
(Beast Boy sits up, wavers a bit, and tumbles against her midsection. A door is heard opening; she pushes him away.)
Robin: Mad Mod! Come on!
(He hustles away Starfire, not quite sure of the proper hygiene protocol to follow here, yanks Beast Boy after him; the three end up huddled behind the staircase. The next two lines are delivered sotto voce.)
Robin: We'll hide here and then take him by surprise.
(Close-up of him. A little bit of random mumbling gets on his nerves very quickly.)
Robin: Any way to keep him quiet?
(Pan to the other two. Starfire claps a hand over the slack mouth and shudders mightily as drool oozes through her fingers. Cut to just in front of the bottom stairs; Robin peeks out, sees a shadow approaching, then ducks back briefly and leaps out with Starfire right behind him. Extreme close-ups of the following: his foot extended for a kick, her hands ready to fire a starbolt, Cyborg's sonic cannon, a large black hand projected by Raven. There is a white flash, which clears to leave the four Titans ready to unload on each other; Raven has suspended Robin in midair.)
Starfire: Cyborg! Raven! (She winds down.) Oh, how glad we are to see you! (Cyborg disarms; Robin is set down.)
Robin: This place is making me crazy!
Cyborg: Tell me about it. Mad Mod's wacked-out computer lab nearly crashed my hard drive.
Starfire: (to Raven) Where did our captor send you?
(Raven opens her cloak partially and reveals, instead of her usual black outfit, a white jersey with a large zero on its front. The sound of a basketball game is heard, complete with referee's whistle.)
(Tilt down to her feet as she exposes her clothing fully. Her usual blue wristbands have been replaced with white ones, the jersey has Mad Mod's name along with the zero, and she wears shorts, knee pads, and athletic shoes. The next time her cloak is seen open, she will be back in her normal clothing.)
Cyborg: Anybody seen BB?
(Babbling from o.c.; they all look down toward the floor, and the camera cuts to him there. He is slithering along like an inchworm, with copious amounts of saliva lubricating the path.)
Robin: Mad Mod's hypnoscreens. We can't snap him out of it. We've tried everything.
Cyborg: Did you try this?
(Close-up of the unfortunate Titan, now on his feet. Cyborg leans down, pulls one ear wide open, and fires a major-league belch directly into it. Beast Boy laughs, shaken out of his trance.)
Beast Boy: Nice one! (His laughter dies.) Uh...how did I get here and why am I covered in drool?
Starfire: Wonderful! Now we need only to locate an exit. (Cyborg breaks out his cannon.)
Cyborg: Or just keep blasting 'til we make one.
Robin: Easy. (Close-up.) Last thing I smashed tried to smash me back. I'm sure this whole place is booby-trapped. (Beast Boy pops up nearby and wipes himself clean.)
Beast Boy: Then how are we supposed to get out?
Raven: (from o.c.) We're not. (Cut to her and Cyborg and zoom in.) Don't you get it? Mad Mod's just gonna keep messing with us until--
Robin: --We mess with him. That cane of his controls everything in here. We take the cane--
Cyborg: --We take control--
Beast Boy: --And take him down! (He crosses the floor; pan to follow.) Oh, I'll find him. That demented doofus is never hypnotizing me again!
(A painting on the wall pops out and swings to face him, showing that hypnotic ring pattern. In no time flat, he is salivating, gurgling, and stumbling to the floor. Starfire catches him.)
Mad Mod: (from o.c.) Come on.
(Cut to a corner. He rises into view through a trick black tile in the floor.)
Mad Mod: Won't you lot ever learn? (balancing cane on one finger, then twirling it) You're in my world, my duckies. (He presses the ruby; the doors behind him open.) You can't win.
(He is off in a heartbeat.)
Robin: (leading Cyborg and Raven away) Titans! Go!
Starfire: But how do I--?
Cyborg: (talks over his shoulder) Make him laugh!
(She finds herself standing alone, supporting the hypnotized Titan by his armpits. After a moment, she hoists him up to look him in the eye and smiles broadly.)
Starfire: How many Okaarans does it take to hoegee a morflark? Finbarr!
(No change in his mumbling and driveling; apparently, the joke loses something if the listener is not conversant in Tamaranean. Starfire thinks for a second.)
Starfire: Um...boo-gers? (That does the trick.)
Beast Boy: (laughing) Boogers! (He realizes Mad Mod got him again.) Aw, man!
(He is yanked off with a shout to join the chase. Music cue: "K2G" by Puffy AmiYumi: a light, energetic tune reminiscent of the "two-tone" ska style that emerged in Britain during the late 1970s. The lyrics, which are in Japanese, are not reproduced here. Cut to a hall lined with various pictures of Mad Mod; the real McCoy, wearing goggles and with a sheepskin coat and helmet over his suit, zooms along and o.c. on a motor scooter. He will wear these extra items whenever he is on the vehicle. The Titans go after him, passing a picture of him in his original outfit. A bunch of bananas hides the face, but the painting pulls them away and glares after the team; he has pulled a quick change and given them the slip.)
(The camera shifts to point down the hall; a statue resembling Michelangelo's David is in the fore, but with Mad Mod's head and a round Union Jack patch covering the waist. The bananas are thrown after the Titans, who are at the far end, and the lunatic jumps out of the frame and runs off; they charge after him. Now back in his suit and reclining on his scooter's seat, he motors down the hall and off-camera The five heroes do likewise, but a mighty flash from that direction sends them back the way they came. Mad Mod is after them, having ditched the coat in favor of an enormous bazooka which he fires time after time.)
(Cut to a long, wide room whose white floor and ceiling are marked with a lattice of large holes. Mad Mod rolls in and drops out of sight; the Titans try to follow, but the hole has solidified to block them. As Robin drums his fingers on the floor, the nutcase pops back up two spots over, without his scooter. The team leader runs to grab him, but suddenly drops through the hole between him and Mad Mod, who rises through the ceiling. Beast Boy briefly becomes a tiger and jumps after the villain; the other three start poking their heads in everywhere, and out in all sorts of impossible places. Cyborg even picks up one hole, holds it sideways, and steps through; it falls flat like a manhole cover, and Starfire jumps on it for a moment and shrugs before plummeting out of sight. Raven is left floating by herself in the middle of the screen as the other four heads start popping up all around her like a Whack-a-Mole game gone haywire. She is scared into a hole when Cyborg peeks up with his head much larger than normal. A moment later, all five reappear, with musical instruments and dressed in the sort of garish clothes often used by British bands of the 1960s. Guitar: Robin. Bass: Cyborg. Keyboard: Raven. Drums: Beast Boy. Tambourine: Starfire. Mad Mod drives past, once again leaning back on the seat, and the Titans zip out of their new threads to give chase.)
(Cut to a long, winding staircase. Mad Mod is powering his scooter up the incline, they race along for all they are worth, and he reaches a door at the top and stops. A press of the cane's ruby turns the stairs into a slide, sending the three boys down and off-camera; Raven and Starfire, floating above the surface, watch them go. At the bottom, a hatch opens and a short stretch of stairs emerges, turning itself into a set of snapping jaws. Beast Boy screams and becomes an octopus. As he nears the floor, Raven and Starfire make it down; he stops his slide by wrapping two tentacles around the former while the latter grabs two others. Robin thumps into him, then starts to panic just in time to get four hundred pounds of bionic Titan plowed into his face, but the makeshift safety net holds. Robin sits up, dazed and with his teeth momentarily knocked out of alignment, and the girls haul them and Beast Boy toward the camera. Cyborg gives Robin a shrug and a sheepish grin.)
(They are carried up and o.c., and the view changes behind them to show a hall with many doors on either side, seen from one end. A Mad Mod bust stands at the other. He rides in and, as the Titans slide through in a heap, exits through a far door. Beast Boy reverts to human form and stands there, slightly dazed, while the other four bolt to the other end. The Limey runs across the hall and soon has a green dog nipping at his heels. Now Robin peeks out, catches sight of him, and runs that way while Cyborg crosses the hall. Beast Boy, as a gorilla, shambles through and just misses Mad Mod riding a "penny-farthing" bicycle; Starfire chases him as Raven goes the other way. One door flips up to the ceiling, the opposite one down onto the floor, and Mad Mod drives across in an old-style roadster. Here comes Cyborg from a near door; he heads back and through a farther one, but his image does not shrink as one might expect due to perspective, and he has to crawl out. Now Robin dashes out close to the back wall and toward a near door; the perspective trick is reversed, and he comes up very small and has to jump to it. However, he gets the hinges instead of the knob and the door swings open the wrong way. Out he goes.)
(Starfire charges across, riding Beast Boy as an ostrich, and Mad Mod, now wearing a coonskin cap atop his suit, paddles a canoe across the floor. Raven flies out and hangs for just a moment before Beast Boy, as a gargantuan gerbil, runs across; her eyes pop in surprise and she follows him out. Now Robin runs into the hall and watches as the other four Titans go everywhere; Beast Boy now seems to be switching forms almost at random - a whale, a pygmy elephant, a penguin, a monkey. Doors open and close just as randomly; against their hinges, from lower panels. the Titans dashing through as perspective-tricked miniatures, by swinging towards the ceiling and floors. Finally, all the Titans gather in one place, and Robin points furiously in several directions. They fan out to five different doors, and at a signal from Robin, pull them open all at once. Nothing behind any of them, so as the music disintegrates into random notes, they tiptoe to the door nearest the camera, which no one tried. Robin smirks at his comrades and yanks the knob, and all scream as the head of a colossal reptilian creature pokes through and roars at them.)
(The music resumes at this point. Mad Mod, meanwhile, steps leisurely from a far door and waves to them before walking back out. The bust moves slightly; close-up of it. The Titans run up, Beast Boy back in human form, and Robin flips the head back to expose a knob. A quick twist, and the music stops. Snap to black, then wipe to the five; this is the other side of a door that has just opened. The faces go slack with surprise, and the camera cuts to behind them to show that the entire end wall has opened up to expose a peaceful meadow beyond it.)
Raven: No way!
Beast Boy: Is that what I think it is?
Robin: One way to find out. (They start walking towards the meadow and pass into it.)
Cyborg: Looks like the real deal.
(Robin holds up one hand and waves it around. Cut to a white patch of wall, which bulges out at its center-a fabric screen, with them on the other side. It tears open, dumping them onto the floor. Starfire gasps.)
(Robin grunts in disgust. Fade to black.)
(Opening shot: the Titans in the atrium where all this began, or at least one identical to it.)
Robin: Right back where we started!
(A section of the floor flips over, bringing Mad Mod into the room.)
Mad Mod: Of course you are, my duckies.
(He taps the tiles with his cane and is promptly carried high into the air.)
Mad Mod: Class is over, and you lot haven't learned a thing. That's a failing grade for each blooming one of you.
(A big, red F appears on the underside of the platform on the end of this. Cut to the very angry Titans.)
Mad Mod: (from o.c.) There's only one thing for it. (Doors swing shut in front of the torn fabric; cut to him.) You'll have to repeat the entire lesson!
(The stairs retract up to the first balcony as he says this, after which all the walls fall outward to expose a curving black-and-white sunburst pattern all around. It is broken only by the doors and paintings, which remain exactly where they were. Many more busts move in, sporting a nasty variety of weapons. Close-up of him, laughing maniacally, and pull back to show this scene playing across Beast Boy's corneas; his figure fades away. Standing in the middle of the others, the newly re-hypnotized Titan starts to babble and drivel as he crumples slowly toward the ground. Raven catches him. Here come the statues.)
Mad Mod: Time for class, my duckies. Everyone back to your seats!
Robin: Titans! Get that cane!
(Cyborg, Starfire, and Robin in turn give a hearty yell and charge. Wipe to a visibly disgusted Raven, who is still trying to figure out what to do with Beast Boy.)
(The fronts of several busts open up to reveal small missile launchers that fire off a heavy salvo. Raven creates a shield to protect herself and her charge. She is lost beneath the glare of the explosions, but Cyborg runs through them, catches up to Robin, and links his hands. Robin jumps up onto the palms and gets a hefty upward boost; now a bust flies in and Cyborg wheels to face it. A single punch crushes it to gravel.)
(Robin has begun hopping from one airborne stone head to another, dodging the occasional laser blast along the way, and finally hurls himself through space. A bust flies in and starts to fire, but is blown apart by a starbolt. The shooter flies past the cloud of dust she has just created.)
Mad Mod: Oy, no roughhousing! Do I have to separate you lot?
(He presses the ruby on his cane and causes the floor tiles to rise up as square columns. Starfire is on a collision course with Mad Mod and ready to shoot him full of holes, but a column rises in front of him without warning.)
(She stops just barely short of the obstacle and tries to swerve around it, only to have that path cut off as well. Now the tile that was under her feet has reached her level and begun to carry her up; she gasps in shock as she rises against her will. Higher and higher she goes, with a forest of columns forming around her.)
(Robin has resumed his game of leapfrog on the busts' heads, and they in turn have gone back to using him for target practice. He goes for one huge leap and gets clear of them, but his face soon registers surprise.)
(He collides head-on with a column. Cyborg is quickly hemmed in and carried toward the ceiling.)
(When the motion stops, we see that a staggered pyramid of steps has formed; think of the playfield layout for the arcade game Q*bert and you have the idea. Cyborg and Robin are on different levels of the structure, but Robin has no time to ponder the geometry; laser shots from above force him to start jumping from one level to the next. He works his way up and seizes a passing bust, which carries him yelling toward a floating door. Working up a little momentum, he flips clear just before the sculpture crashes into it and explodes. He throws a birdarang at Mad Mod, who leaps straight up to avoid it and passes him in midair.)
(A bust flies by and strafes, just missing Raven and Beast Boy, then doubles back for another pass as two others join it.)
Raven: Azarath Metrion Zinthos!
(Three floor tiles, standing vertical, hurtle through the air and hit the attacking stoneworks edge on to slice them in half. The pieces tumble down around Raven, followed by a yelling Cyborg, who has been blown off his high perch.)
Raven: Little help here? (Close-up of Beast Boy; she continues o.c.) I don't do funny. (Cyborg stands up.)
Cyborg: You asked for it.
(Her hood is up at this point, but Cyborg pulls it back before she knows what is going on. Next, he licks his finger, depositing plenty of saliva on the tip, and shoves it into her ear; the classic "wet willie" torture. Her whole face looks as if it will split in half as her hair flies everywhere, but Beast Boy snaps out of his trance and laughs.)
Beast Boy: Awesome! (He realizes Mad Mod got him once more.) Aw, not again!
(With an angry spark flaring on her temple, Raven puts her hood back up. A loud thump is heard from o.c.; the three turn toward it, and the camera cuts to the source; busts with metal spider legs, jumping down from their high levels. Beast Boy turns into a rhinoceros and charges, smashing a couple to bits, and Starfire shoots down a few flying ones. Having flipped onto her back to pull this off, she does not see one moving in with two thin metal arms extended from its shoulders. These grab her wrists.)
(Starfire is hauled up with a scream and put into a half-spreadeagle; now a bust approaches and extends a laser chainsaw from its base. A swing of her legs knocks it away to slice a long gash through the cloth of the giant hypnoscreen that forms the wall.)
[Animation goof: As she is carried up, her armband disappears briefly.]
(Cyborg watches this one explode as it falls behind the columns he is standing on, but the moment is short-lived. More busts, these on tall pedestals and tank treads, are coming down the vertical surfaces and up from a trapdoor to form an advancing line. He leaps down, incapacitates one with a kick, and seizes it. With a heave that would make any Olympic javelin thrower very proud, he sends it flying straight at the oncoming busts and destroys every one of them. Behind him, one more pops out, stun gun extended from the mouth, and rolls toward his back. He turns around just in time to get a hair-raising jolt, or it would be, if he had any hair, that drops him in his tracks.)
(The place begins to rearrange itself; doors and paintings change locations, and the row of tiles he is lying on moves like a conveyor belt to carry him away. Pan from him to Raven, who has been seized by a chair just like the one she was in at the start and is being dragged in.)
(Her arms and legs are clamped down, and the white energy band fastens itself around her midsection. Pull back to show Cyborg being hauled in by his own chair and put Beast Boy in view, still a rhino. A hypnoscreen pops up right in front of him; reverting to human form, he turns his head and squeezes his eyes shut as a long metal arm reaches up.)
Beast Boy: Don't look at the screen, don't look at the screen-- (Beast Boy is grabbed by the head and he turned toward the screen) --don't look at the screen, don't look at the screen--
(For the fourth time this episode, he surrenders to the mind-numbing effects and starts burbling and drooling. Cut to Robin, making his way quickly up toward Mad Mod's platform. Once he reaches it, he throws a kick that hits a big bunch of nothing as the villain easily sidesteps. Mad Mod plants his cane upright and balances on its end.)
Mad Mod: Oh, give it a rest, snotty. (gestured with his cane, stays in midair) You've already lost!
(Robin looks down, sees Beast Boy sitting before his screen and the other three Titans secured in chairs, then rushes at Mad Mod and leaps. Close-up of his hand, reaching out toward the cane, but when the fingers reach the wooden shaft and close, they simply go right through it. Pull back a bit to frame his face.)
(He passes through the cane and tumbles to the edge of the platform to look at his hand and figure out what has just happened. Mad Mod hops to his feet and does a little brandishing and twirling; close-up of the stick.)
Robin: (from o.c.) The cane isn't real! (Cut to him.) Which means Mad Mod is just as fake as everything else in here!
(He leaps straight at the Brit's image and runs right through it.)
Robin: Time for a reality check!
(He flings himself off the edge with a yell; the holographic Mad Mod swings the cane and sends two busts out after him. Close-up of one base, which opens to expose missiles locked on target, then pull back to frame both, missiles and ear lasers ready to go. Cut to behind Robin as he sails toward the rip made by the laser chainsaw, then to the busts as they fire their salvos. Now we see the room from just inside a small service duct; he tumbles in through the opening, with the ordnance exploding all around him. One mighty blast wipes out the entire screen.)
(Cut to a view of some machinery and pan across on the next line. The voice is that of Mad Mod, but the gray-haired figure that comes into view is very different from the dapper redheaded fellow who has been terrorizing the Titans all the way through. Seen from the back, he appears to be at least twenty years older and has lost all the hair on top. He is sitting in front of a bank of monitors, which show the team from many different angles, and working a complex array of controls. This is the actual, flesh-and-blood wacko and his real-life command center. One screen, however, displays only static.)
Mad Mod: Yeah, this should teach those saucy little ankle-biters some respect.
(Head-on view. He wears the same rectangular sunglasses, but his clothing is the sort you might expect on an old man of retirement age-plain, nondescript shirt and suit.)
Mad Mod: Just a tick. I've lost Robin.
(He is referring to the static-filled monitor. One by one, the other side screens wink out to leave only the large central one still working. He gasps; cut to the reason, Robin, crawls around in the duct and rips out every handful of wiring he can find. In the crazed room, the three Titans in chairs struggle against their bonds as the fourth keeps slobbering all over the floor. The hypnotic pattern starts to waver, and the Mad Mod image steps into view.)
Hologram Mad Mod: Uh...minor technical hitch, my duckies. (tugs his collar) Pay no mind, I'll have it fixed in a--
(Before he can finish the sentence, he de-resolves and disappears. As the pattern shuts itself off, Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire break out of their chairs; the first with a loud "boo-yah", but Beast Boy just stays on the floor, still mesmerized and salivating to beat the band. One after another, the pictures of Mad Mod fade away in their frames and crash to the floor; the surviving busts are knocked down as well. Now the fabric walls reel up like window shades, exposing the machinery that made all this insanity possible, and a forgotten door swings across on its support rope. Mad Mod yells and stumbles backward as his systems short out in a plume of smoke; pan to follow him.)
Mad Mod: My machines! That meddling little snot will pay for--
(A small cry of fear escapes him as he discovers Robin waiting at the back of the room. He is promptly dragged forward by his lapels and cannot find his tongue for a second.)
Mad Mod: (clearing his throat) Hello, guv'nor.
Robin: School's out, Mod. And you're looking at about twenty years of detention.
(The elderly Englishman recoils a bit at the prospect. Fade to black.)
(A shaft of light falls across the screen and illuminates Cyborg, who is opening an overhead hatch to see the sky above. Cut to outside it; he puts his head up above a steel platform.)
(He climbs out, then Raven, and a properly trussed-up Mad Mod is thrown out after them.)
Cyborg: (stretches, as Robin climbs up) Oh, yeah, this is definitely the real deal.
Robin: School always seems smaller after you graduate, doesn't it? (Cut to inside the hatch; the three peer down into it.)
Raven: Just don't expect me to go to any reunions.
(A moan from the o.c. Starfire; cut to the platform as she struggles up, carrying the fifth member of the team, and sets him down.)
Starfire: I cannot awaken Beast Boy. I have tried the tickling, all manner of bodily noises, and the word "underpants." I fear that this time his brain is gone forever.
Raven: Beast Boy had a brain?
(After a long moment, he sits up laughing; her sardonic remark has broken the trance.)
Beast Boy: Good one!
(Her meaning sinks in, wiping the smile off his face in a hurry. Everyone else heads away, Cyborg carries Mad Mod.)
Beast Boy: Dude! That's not funny! I totally have a brain!
(Steam shoots from his ears, and he follows the group. Dissolve to a long shot of the platform to show it in full detail; an offshore oil rig, and pull back slowly. He cannot be seen at this distance.)
Beast Boy: (from the platform) I just don't use it much.
(Fade to black.)