This is the transcript for the episode "Crash".


(Opening shot: a computer screen that shows the Titans' insignia and the word "DOWNLOAD." The sound of clicking keys is heard; this soon stops as the circle starts to fill in red, as if a clock's second hand were sweeping across it.)

Beast Boy: (from o.c.) Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on...

(By the end of this, the circle has gone entirely red, a monkey's face appears on it, and the text changes to "COMPLETE." Tilt down slightly; a CD-ROM is ejected from the unit, and the camera cuts to the impatient young man, he is in his room.)

Beast Boy: Ha! (holds up a disc) I'm a genius!

(Sight gag: in "Super Deformed" style, he types at his computer as multicolored padlocks scroll by behind him and snap open. During the next line, two more shots slide into view to tile the screen. The first is the exterior of Titans Tower, which takes up the right half; a dotted line traces from the CPU to the operations center, marking his connection. The second one slides up to occupy the bottom right corner; it shows a radio tower, and Beast Boy's signal traces to it.)

Beast Boy: (voice over) By simply turning off all those useless security programs and connecting directly to an underground server in eastern Zandia...

(A second SD image of the Titan rises into view, eagerly clutching his prize, and takes over.)

Beast Boy: ...I, Beast Boy, have gotten my hands on an advance copy of the hottest video game ever...

(A new shot spins up, showing three monkeys, one aiming a blaster, one using a walkie-talkie, one ready to slug it out, all wearing goggles. The number 4 is at the center of the group.)

Beast Boy: (voice over) ...Mega-Monkeys Four!

(The gag ends. Cut to the hall; his door opens and he whips out around a corner, so fast that he is visible only as a black/magenta streak. Elsewhere, Robin and Starfire are standing around.)

Starfire: And then--

(Beast Boy flashes past them, spooking her so badly that she jumps into Robin's arms. In the operations center, the door opens and he reaches a computer console in one swift bound. The CD is slid home, and he hits the couch with a GameStation controller in hand.)

Beast Boy: Look out, monkeys, here I--

(Before he can get the last word out, the console ejects the software forcefully enough to make it clatter on the floor. A question mark pops up by the would-be gamer's head.)

Beast Boy: Huh? Hmm. GameStation must not have enough horsepower...but I bet the Titan mainframe does.

(The hall again. Lost in a book, Raven approaches the operations center door, which opens to let Beast Boy out, her cloak is blown aside by his passage. Elsewhere in the Tower, he stops in front of a computer screen that fills an entire wall and works its keyboard. Up pops a circle with a dot at its center-a clock/pie-graph progress meter, and the word "LOADING." After a moment, a lightning bolt superimposes itself on this and the system buzzes to signify an error.)

Beast Boy: Ugh! Aw, man! Isn't there a computer around here that can play this thing?

(A forehead vein throbs for a couple of seconds before inspiration strikes.)

Beast Boy: Ha!

(He grabs the CD and bugs out. Cut to outside the closed door of Cyborg's room, where he skids to a stop with his back to it. After a furtive look around, he opens it, backs in, and closes again. Cut to him inside; now he faces into the room.)

Beast Boy: If Cyborg's computer can't handle this...

(His perspective, panning slowly across from desk to repair/diagnostic bay. A large monitor sits in the latter corner. Snoring is heard, and Z's are floating from a small icon on the screen.)

Beast Boy: ...nobody's can.

(Back to him; he zips across the floor. Close-up of the system, whose screen can now be seen clearly-the icon shows Cyborg asleep in a bed and sawing logs, the source of the sound. The Titan-turned-hacker gets over here and looks the rig up and down.)

Beast Boy: Now where do I...ah, here we go.

(He pushes the CD into a slot, but can only get it partway in before it jams.)

Beast Boy: (grunting with effort) Kind of!

(It finally slides in; a red light winks on alongside the slot, and graphs and readouts show a burst of activity. The sleeping-Cyborg icon soon gives way to a large Mega-Monkey head.)

Beast Boy: Sweet! (The screen goes dark.) Huh? (The system goes haywire.) Not sweet!

(Assorted cries as he jabs furiously at the sparking control panels and buttons, the camera cutting back and forth between him and them. Finally he gets an electric shock that floors him for a moment; soon he is up and looking at the failing hardware in total panic. In a flash, he is back at the door.)

Beast Boy: Better motor before--

(It opens; Cyborg is there, prompting a shrill scream, but he tries to play it cool.)

Beast Boy: Cyborg! What are you doing here?

Cyborg: (dryly) It's my room. What are you doin' here? (A sweat drop rolls down the green temple.)

Beast Boy: I, um... (pinching one nostril) ...practicing my nose whistle.

(He blows a few weak notes, but Cyborg is not impressed and goes right past him. A panicked yelp, and he is off like a shot across the room. The "sexy" - for this scene only! - teenage half-robot approaches his custom-built rig.)

Cyborg: You been messin' wit' my computer? (Beast Boy moves to block him on the end of this.)

Beast Boy: Me? No! (Cyborg works some controls, opening a side panel.) Uh...that's your computer? (pointing at screen) Then what's this?

Cyborg: (angry for some reason) My system recharger,

(Close-up of Beast Boy. Cyborg reaches into view past him and reels out a cable.)

Cyborg: (from o.c.) And speakin' of, I could use a little juice. (Back to him; he prepares to plug it into his chest.)

Beast Boy: (panicked) Wait! I think your recharger might have a--

(On the end of this, cut to an extreme close-up of the open body panel. As soon as the cable touches it, there is a blinding flash and sparks crackle all over Cyborg.)

Cyborg: (agonized and drawn-out) VIRUS!!

(Snap to black.)

OPENING THEME (sung in Japanese)

Act One

(Opening shot: the exterior of the Tower. It is morning. Zoom in slowly and cut to Robin and Starfire at the kitchen table. Behind them, the door opens and Cyborg barrels in, passing both them and Raven at the counter. Head-on view of the door; Beast Boy runs in after him.)

Beast Boy: Cyborg, come back!

Robin: (exasperated) What is going on?

Cyborg: (from o.c., calmly) Oh, I'll tell you what's going on. (Cut to him at the couch, now excited.) This is the best peanut brittle I've ever tasted!

(He proceeds to lick the upholstery with gusto, leaving saliva all over the cushions. The two girls lean in close for a better view and exchange totally befuddled glances as question marks pop up above their heads. The other two Titans are equally confused.)

Beast Boy: Uh, he's just excited. (briefly turns head into a monkey's) I got an advance copy of Mega-Monkeys Four. (Cyborg zips over to Starfire.)

Cyborg: (rapid fire) Ooh! Star! 'Member that purple, wiggly, Tamaranean pie thingie you made that was full of bugs?

(As he says this, a light blue ground slides down to cover the top half of the screen, and a piece of the aforementioned concoction appears within it. On the next line, this slides off and is replaced by Super Deformed Cyborg, who eats it and becomes ill.)

Starfire: My stewed grunthmek which made you physically sick?

(New slide: SD Robin, Raven, and Starfire stand at a closed bathroom door, behind which vomiting sounds can be head.)

Cyborg: (eagerly) Yeah! (The SD trio faints.) You gotta cook up some of that! ("SD's" disappear; Robin and Beast Boy gape at all this. Robin then gives a mean stare to Beast Boy.)

Beast Boy: (chuckling nervously) Um, long story short, I tried to play Mega-Monkeys on Cyborg's system recharger, and now, he's got some kind of computer virus. Or, you know, it could be just gas.

Robin: A virus? Beast Boy, this is serious.

Raven: Seriously weird.

(Both look toward the tables and find the afflicted Titan leaning over one of them as the camera zooms in.)

Cyborg: Mmmm!

(Close-up: he begins to gnaw on the edge, utterly oblivious to the six goggling eyes trained on him. Starfire moves over to stare as well.)

Cyborg: Ah! Who ordered this pizza? It's cheese-tastic! Ooh...thirsty now.

(He rushes past the disbelieving foursome, pulls the sink faucet loose on its pipe, and directs the flow into his mouth. Water runs down his face as he gargles happily; pan to the others.)

Robin: Cyborg, there's something wrong with you. Please let us help.

Cyborg: You bet there's something wrong.

(Cut to the others. Robin's image dissolves into that of a large T-bone steak accompanied by the sound of a cow's mooing, the bionic hero's warped perspective. Back to him.)

Cyborg: We need gravy! And plenty of it!

(Sight gag: Robin stands frozen with fear as Cyborg closes in, head swollen and teeth bared to chow down. Raven and Starfire put a flying tackle on him, after which the view snaps to black. From here, tilt down to a single overhead lamp that encloses the Titans in its pool of light. They are in another part of the Tower, and Cyborg is clamped down on an inclined examination table. He now sounds as if he has completely lost whatever is left of his mind.)

Cyborg: Whoo! You know what'd be fun? Let's all go out for waffles!

(He lunges forward on this last word. Cut to a close-up of his partners whose hair is blown back by the force of his words.)

Cyborg: (from o.c.) Raven, you like waffles, don't you?

Raven: (deadpan) More than life itself. (His babbling continues under the following lines.)

Starfire: We must help him.

Beast Boy: No problem. I'll shrink down to the size of an amoeba, get inside of him, and then--

Raven: And then what? Mess him up even worse?

Robin: Thanks, Beast Boy, (Close-up of the crushed Titan; he continues o.c.) but I think you've done enough. (Pull back to frame all four.) We need an expert.

Starfire: But who? The only person qualified to repair Cyborg... (Cut to him; she continues o.c.) Cyborg. (Back to them.)

Robin: I hate to admit it, (Zoom in slightly.) but there is one other person.

(Cut to a close-up of a gloved and grasping a large circuit breaker switch in a dimly lit room. This is thrown to the ON position, and the hand presses a few buttons to energize other parts of this system. Next, we see two cords being plugged together as a familiar nasty laughter rings out; on the next line, tilt up to frame a litter of old arcade game machines amid random electrical clutter. The voice instantly reveals whose hands these are.)

Gizmo: (from o.c.) Look out, you shoe-licking gunk stains! (Cut to him.) Gizmo's bootleg copy of Mega-Monkeys Four is about to go live!

(He pulls out his waist-mounted controller; cut to his perspective of it and the machines. At the press of a button, all the screens display the same monkey-head title card Beast Boy brought up on Cyborg's recharger. Cut briefly to a closer shot of them, then to the plugged-in cords on the floor. Raven's power snakes along their length and undoes the connection, causing the games to go dark and the player to emit a shocked cry.)

Gizmo: Hey! What the--?

(He trails off into another shout when Robin's hand lands on his shoulder and yanks him out. Cut to the exterior of the Tower, zooming in slowly, then to a close-up of the captured hacker in Cyborg's drunk tank.)

Gizmo: No...stinking...way. (Pull back; the other Titans stand over him. Cyborg is asleep.) I'm not fixing that overgrown bucket of robo-scrunge...

(He starts out on the end of this; cut to Robin and Raven. As he continues, the former glances over at the latter, who picks up his vibe and drops through the floor.)

Gizmo: (from o.c.) ...and there's nothing you grot-slippers could ever do or say to make me say it--

(On the end of this, cut to him approaching the door. Yet another strangled little cry escapes him as Raven pops up right in front. Without a word, she wraps five fingers around the edge of her hood and prepares to pull it back; cut to a close-up of Gizmo, standing in her shadow. When the hand moves, the floor is further darkened by the outlines of a mass of thick, writhing snakes or tentacles originating from her head. His jaw falls almost to his chest control panel as he screams with enough force to collapse a lung. When the hood goes back up, the growths instantly retract and he is left shaking in his jumpsuit's boots with a tiny gulp; we then see that Raven's appearance is exactly as before.)

Gizmo: (fearfully) I'll help.

(Cut to a shot of the room's overhead light, seen from near ground level. Gizmo pops up near the camera; a magnifying glass extends itself from the hardware on his back and positions itself over his right eye. Close-up of the sleeping Cyborg's face.)

Gizmo: (from o.c.) Hmmm...hmph.

(Pull back; inspecting the face, he gasps softly. Cyborg has now been stretched out horizontally.)

Gizmo: Ewww! (moving to Cyborg's feet) Your friend is thrashed. What kind of sludge-sniffing idiot gets himself infected with the Endzone virus?

(Beast Boy suddenly finds himself on the receiving end of three rather harsh glances, and he shrinks until he is perhaps six inches tall.)

Beast Boy: He had some help.

Robin: Can you fix him?

Gizmo: Of course I can fix him. (Beast Boy grows back to normal.) But I gotta shrink down to microscopic size, go in, and hit the virus where it lives. (Zoom in on the green joker.)

Beast Boy: (dejected at having his idea copied) Yeah. Good idea.

(Close-up of Gizmo's waist controller as he lifts it and taps a button. Pull back; he is still hovering by Cyborg's table. The magnifier has retracted, but now a vertical shaft extends upward from his back and stops just above his head. Another shaft extends from this to make a ring centered over him; down comes a shower curtain, which waves back and forth to the sound of a quick change. He carries not only some formidable weaponry, but his own changing room.)

(When he finishes, cut to a close-up of the curtain. It opens, revealing a maneuvering unit at his waist, and the camera tilts up to show that he is now wearing a green-tinted, transparent full-head helmet and assorted new hardware attached to his jumpsuit. His hands grip the unit's two control sticks. The four onlookers gape at this new piece of technology.)

Gizmo: What? You nose hairs never seen a shrink-suit before?

Robin: Maybe I should go. You can direct me from outside.

Gizmo: Forget it, scuzz-ball. This tech only works on me, (turns his back) and I work alone.

Beast Boy: But maybe I can--

(Sight gag: the other three heroes turn to glare down at him, their figures blackening into silhouettes and leaving only the white-burning eyes. His ears droop as a big sweat drop pops out on the back of his head.)

Beast Boy: Never mind. (Gag ends; Cyborg suddenly wakes up.)

Cyborg: Hey! Did y'all know there are four hundred and fifty-six varieties of yams?

(Cut to the other four Titans.)

Cyborg: (from o.c.) I like yams! (More blabbering under the following.)

Starfire: Please. Why does he speak of subterranean vegetables? (Pan to Gizmo, who snorts in contempt.)

Gizmo: You don't know crud. The virus is messing with his central processor... (taps the side of his helmet) know, his brain? (Pull back; a large injector is delivered to his hands.) And that's where you're gonna put me.

(He throws the device to Robin as Beast Boy leans over to eye it. Cyborg laughs, suddenly falls silent, and begins to snore again. Close-up of Gizmo's control panel; he makes a few adjustments, and bar graphs play on the screen as an outline of him rises next to them. Beaming smugly, he is enveloped in blinding light that dissipates to leave him gone. Cut to within the injector, which is filled with fluid; he appears in here a moment later and switches on a light set in the front of his maneuvering unit.)

Gizmo: Okay, barf-brains. I'm in position.

(Dissolve to a shot of the injector in Robin's hands and pull back to frame Raven and Starfire also peering intently at the transparent barrel. Overhead view of Cyborg, the camera rotating to frame him right side up; the three move to the sides of his table, Robin near the head. Head-on view of them.)

Robin: Don't worry, Cyborg. This won't hurt a bit.

(He extends the needle toward the camera; close-up of the sleeping face, which snaps fully awake with a gasp as the tip approaches. One mighty surge breaks the restraints and tips him back toward the vertical. All three go flying, as does the injector.)

Cyborg: PIE!!

(Close-up of Gizmo, tumbling willy-nilly within the fluid and laughing crazily, then cut to the device as it clatters across the tiles.)

Gizmo: (from inside) --on out there?

(Robin tumbles after the device and stands up. Cut to a long shot of the crazed Titan and zoom in. He is straining to sink his choppers into Raven, while Starfire tries to pull him back with all her might. Sight gag: his head has grown a size or so. With one swift motion, Robin seizes the injector, aims, and pulls the trigger. As Cyborg tears free of the Tamaranean's grip and lunges at Raven, he crashes his head into the floor, the burst of liquid strikes him. The impact site cannot be seen due to all the dust that has been thrown up. When he raises his head, the gag ends.)

Cyborg: Hot links! (runs toward a wall) Aw, yeah!

(He smashes into the masonry, leaving behind a cloud of dust and a fresh hole that marks his exit from the Tower. Pull back; Robin and the girls stare worriedly at it.)

Starfire: The injection was successful?

Robin: (pulls out his communicator) I...think so. (to Gizmo on his communicator) Gizmo, report. Are you inside Cyborg?

(Cut to the miniature technomaniac. He is now within a long pipeline whose walls are made of Cyborg's circuitry.)

Gizmo: Oh, I'm inside him, all right. (adjusts his controls; his screen moves down Cyborg's back) But I'm not in his brain. (Extreme close-up.) I'm in his butt.

(Dissolve to a shot of Cyborg, running away from the camera toward the shore of the Tower's island, and fade to black.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: an overhead view of a helicopter landing pad on a building's roof in Jump City. Starfire flies in, stops for a look around, and sets off in a new direction. She passes Raven and joins her on the way down to Robin, who is checking the screen of his beeping communicator.)

Robin: I've got his signal. Titans! Move! (Sight gag: Gizmo's face emerges from the unit.)

Gizmo: Nice shooting, spork-brains!

(Cut to him, boiling mad and floating next to an outline of Cyborg's body. A red pathway leads from posterior to head, and he points to each end at the proper moment.)

Gizmo: You cludge-heads have any idea how long it's gonna take me to get from this tin can's can all the way up to his brain?! (He steams; back to Robin.)

Robin: Then I suggest you stop complaining and start moving. (put his comm away, to the girls) We need to find Cyborg and bring him home, before he hurts himself or somebody else.

Raven: (points) Or an innocent street sign.

(Cut to the metal feet and tilt up to frame Cyborg, who has latched onto a STOP sign and is trying to wrench it from the sidewalk. He gets it loose with a happy little moan; cut to his perspective. The view begins to waver-warping in his mind, and every facet of the cityscape ends up as a food item: pie, hamburger, milkshake, and so forth. He now thinks the sign is a jumbo lollipop. Back to him, normal view; he opens wide and stuffs the whole red octagon into his mouth, working it back and forth and truly enjoying the whole experience. He even goes so far as to bite the whole thing off and crunch on the sheet metal. Here come his three buddies.)

Robin: Take it easy, Cyborg. It's us.

Raven: We're here to take you home.

Starfire: You remember who we are, yes? (Warped: all three become fried eggs.)

Cyborg: (tears pouring down) You're the nasty egg people who stole all my waffles!

(He throws the sign pole at them like a javelin.)

Robin: Look out!

(Raven hits the missile with her powers and stops it an inch short of Robin's eye; it clinks harmlessly to the ground. Cyborg whimpers a bit at having his fun ruined, then runs off wailing.)

Raven: Um...where's Beast Boy?

(Pull back from the trio; he is nowhere in sight on this block. Inside Cyborg; Gizmo's light advances into view to mark his approach.)

Gizmo: (from o.c.) Ruzzin-fruzzin Titans! (now in view) Fix this guy? I don't even like this guy! Oughta blast his stinking CPU to--

(On the end of this, something black cruises up behind him; cutting himself off sharply, he swivels to face it and raises a blaster.)

Gizmo: Munch crud, viro-scum!

(He fires several shots, forcing the thing to retreat around a bend in the conduit.)

Beast Boy: (from around the bend, advancing a bit) Dude, cut it out!

(The movement reveals him as a microorganism and answers Raven's question. The shape-shifter made good on his suggestion, even though everyone else rejected it.)

Gizmo: What the--? (His perspective of the bend.) Blob Boy? (The green cell moves up, showing a sad face.)

Beast Boy: I'm here to help. (Back to Gizmo.)

Gizmo: Oh, lucky stinking me. A goop-bag with a nucleus for a brain. You're gonna be loads of help. (He moves off.)

Beast Boy: My friend's the one in trouble. (follows Gizmo) So I'm here whether you like it or not.

Gizmo: (addresses himself ahead) Hey, birdbrain. You hearing this crud?

(A hologram of Robin's head pops up on his control screen, an onboard communicator.)

Robin: Yes, and it's a good idea. You've got a partner now, Gizmo. Deal with it.

(Pull back to a head-on view of the pair.)

Robin: (over the comm) But, Beast Boy, for Cyborg's sake... (They stop; back to the screen.) ...please don't touch anything.

(He winks out. Close-up of the green microbe, whose face falls at these last words. He soon finds the blaster trained on him.)

Beast Boy: Huh?

Gizmo: Don't move.

Beast Boy: Are you kidding me with this? Robin just said we have to work toge--

(Gizmo fires, and only a lightning-fast cell wall spasm keeps the blast from incinerating Beast Boy. He trails off into a panicked yell; the target is a black, spider-like creature scuttling around behind him. The head and legs are marked with patches of lurid pink, and the eyes and mouth are outlined in glowing yellow, this is the Endzone virus Gizmo referred to. It leaps away from the shots and grabs Beast Boy. Cut to a point down the conduit, the two banging off the walls.)

Gizmo: (from o.c.) Hey! (Back to him.) Hold still so I can blast it, you mush-for-brains!

(Said mush-for-brains finally wriggles free, leaving the virus to get blown away.)

Beast Boy: (laughing) Awesome! (forms his "leg," kicking) We kicked its virus butt! (flexes his "arms") Mission accomplished!

Gizmo: Wake up, pinhead. That was only a drone. There could be thousands of drones. We have to delete the viral core. (He moves off.)

Beast Boy: Oh, I knew that. I was just testing you. And you passed. Congratulations. (He follows.)

Gizmo: Just try to stay outta my way.

(Dissolve to a patch of sky above the rooftops of Jump City and tilt down to the sound of crunching. Cyborg walks along, blissfully chomping at an uprooted parking meter; after a few steps, he stops short and aims an irked glance at the camera. Here comes Robin to throw a weighted net at the AWOL Titan; close-up of the lifted meter, which gets wrapped up in the ropes. Cyborg spins it around as if twirling a forkful of spaghetti, then cranes his neck upward with a big grin and sucks the netting cleanly off the post. As soon as he finishes this little snack, Robin jumps at him and just barely misses thanks to a lucky dodge.)

(Inside Cyborg's system. Beast Boy hurtles along, Gizmo not far behind; the H.I.V.E. operative fires a few shots back the way he came, trying to hit a couple of oncoming virus drones. One of them leaps at the camera, blacking out the screen with its open mouth. Tilt down to an open-market stall in the city; customers checking out the wares are suddenly surprised when Cyborg zips up and proceeds to devour a few small knickknacks. One of them is an Amazing Mumbo doll. After a contented swallow, cut to a longer shot of the area, many stalls set up in the square, and pan to him as he crams a painting down his throat. Another quick pan, and he chugs the entire contents of a barrel, then eats the empty in one bite. He winks out; pan to another stall, where he consumes more of the wares.)

(Cut to behind him and pan slightly as Robin arrives, shortly joined by Raven and Starfire. His teeth halfway sunk into a lamp, the deranged Titan catches sight of them and bails out. A lively chase starts up, ranging from block to block; during this, Cyborg stops for a moment at a pay phone and eats it right off the stand. After he has gone again, the three pursuers pass its remains and freeze in their tracks, minds completely blown by this latest feat of gastronomic idiocy.)

(Dissolve to a close-up of Gizmo, grinning madly as he floats within Cyborg's body. His eyes are filled with the reflection of some bit of hardware; after a second, they return to normal and he leans toward the camera. Cut to a close-up of the thing, an access port in the side of the conduit, and pull back as he gets it open. No sooner is the cover off, though, then Beast Boy oozes partly into view near the camera, "hands" on "hips." Caught red-handed in the midst of whatever shenanigans he was about to pull, Gizmo freezes; the one-celled face glares at him, and he grins sheepishly as he seals the port. Off he goes, Beast Boy in the rear.)

(Tilt up to one of the overhead lights in the conduit, then dissolve around the bright spot until it has become one of a row of overhead lamps. The camera tilts down again to frame Cyborg, happily chomping away at a vast pile of normal food. His eyes pop in surprise; cut to just inside a shop window, the camera pointing out at Robin, Raven and Starfire. All six eyes widen, and we then see that the mad gourmand has actually been wolfing down the bouquets on display in a flower shop: the previous shot was in his loopy little world. Off he goes, as do they, and he runs laughing through the city.)

(Dissolve to a hatch inside Cyborg's body. It opens partway, revealing Gizmo and Beast Boy on the other side; the former zips through and slams the passage shut in the latter's face. Taunting him, Gizmo opens and closes the hatch again; on the next cycle, Beast Boy dashes through, but gets part of himself caught between the slamming doors. He gets a healthy dose of mocking laughter as he is released to slide limply down to the floor of the conduit, while Gizmo does a few midair somersaults to rub it in.)

(Dissolve to a junkyard and pan to Cyborg, who has laid into a loose piece of pipe. He gets the whole thing down, then takes a long swig from a handy can of oil; soon his eyes register annoyance, and the camera cuts to the reason: Raven and Starfire advancing cautiously. A warped dissolve turns the Tamaranean into a pineapple, her colleague into a stalk of broccoli, and he grins and leaps toward them, throwing the oil aside. After the screen has filled with the black of his gaping mouth, tilt up from this to show the two girls running for dear life down a slope, with him nipping at their heels like Pac-Man's psychotic evil twin.)

(As all three speed o.c., dissolve to a street in Jump City: it is now evening, and tilt down from the rooftops to put Cyborg in view. He is vigorously shaking an ATM on its moorings.)

Cyborg: (absolutely unhinged) You can keep your sprinkles, I need raspberry filling!

(Boiling over with rage, his face going bright scarlet, he smashes the machine's screen with one punch; it shorts out and begins to spew cash into his mouth. Both cheeks end up bulging, but the greenbacks do not sit well with him; he spits them out and wipes his mouth. A drop of sweat runs down the ATM's side as he blows his top again and sparks crackle over his entire body.)

Cyborg: No, not macaroni!

(Close-up of one lifted fist, whose fingers uncurl; pull back as he digs them into the unit's panel and rips the whole thing loose. After a few mammoth shakes that dump currency all over the street, he stops short; here are the three Titans, Starfire ready to throw a screwball or two if needed. Robin moves forward very slowly, at which pint Cyborg drops the ATM and beats feet. Cut to a close-up of the dark, sparking print left by his hand; it grows somewhat after a moment, and the view dissolves to a longer shot and pulls back as the entire cash dispenser starts to overload. It soon explodes, leaving general puzzlement in its wake.)

Starfire: Cyborg's virus has made sick the machine of money.

Raven: And if this is what it does to an ATM machine...

Robin: ...There's no telling what it can do to everything else. Come on!

(They set off. Cut to inside Cyborg; near the camera, a thick, multicolored strand of material is stretched vertically from floor to ceiling. A drone scuttles toward it and is promptly blown away by a shot from Gizmo. He drops into the conduit from an overhead hatch as Beast Boy hangs back at the edge. Close-up of him.)

Beast Boy: Nasty! (Pull back to frame both.) So what is this stuff, anyway?

Gizmo: Leftovers. (More strands hang here and there.) The virus is feeding on his circuits. (sets off) And judging by how scuzzed up they are, (Beast Boy catches up.) I'd say we're getting close to his brain.

(The detritus has now multiplied considerably. As they reach a junction with another passage, the camera begins to shake and both look off down the new tunnel. Cut to within it and zoom in on a seething red mass down the way; Beast Boy stares confusedly after it.)

Beast Boy: (scratch his head) And...what are those?

Gizmo: (panicked) White blood cells! Cy-Booger's human immune system thinks we're the virus! Run!

(They do so; the lymphocytes swarm after them and begin to catch up very fast. Swerving among the viral castoffs, they run up against a thick web of the stuff. Beast Boy gets through a small hole with a tight squeeze, but Gizmo's maneuvering unit jams against it; close-up of the edge as he strains to tear himself loose. Farther down the way, the green tag-along pulls up short, an exclamation point popping up by his surprised face. Gizmo keeps hauling on the morass, the blood cells come surging around the last bend, and he cries out in fright. Back comes Beast Boy, mouth wide open in a yell; he engulfs the little runt, yanks both of them back the way they came, and steers up to a connecting tunnel. Most of the cells charge on, but a few peel off and give chase. Within the oversized amoeba, Gizmo yells as he is swept onward before the red tide.)

(Cut to a close-up of a wailing young girl; his screams give way to hers, and she points o.c. Pull back to frame her mother trying to comfort her, as well as several befuddled spectators on a sidewalk in the city. Pan to the other side of the street, where Cyborg has sunk his hooks into a teddy bear and is about to scarf it; the girl's crying is now well explained. Down it goes, after which he seizes a nearby soda machine and prepares to yank it up. Instead of doing so, though, he looks o.c. in surprise and then starts to laugh; cut to his perspective and zoom in on a distant satellite dish. Back to him; he lets go of the machine and runs off, exposing a dark, sizzling handprint on the side of the now-sparking unit, the virus has spread here now. It begins to bulge and spit a barrage of cans, but Raven's powers extend over it to hold in the carbonated projectiles. With no outlet, the crazed machine's energy leads to an explosion that knocks down the shield. She lands at the scene and is soon joined by Starfire and Robin. Close-up of the smoking remains, then pull back to frame him.)

(He directs a worried look back over his shoulder; cut to a shot down a ravaged street; crushed car and bent traffic light marking Cyborg's passage, and tilt up to frame the satellite dish. Zoom in during the next line.)

Robin: (from o.c.) The city's communication hub! (Back to the three.) If he infects that transmitter coil, the virus will spread to every machine within a hundred miles!

(They break into a run. Inside Cyborg, Beast Boy carries the yelling Gizmo as fast as he can move his protoplasm. The swarms of disease fighters barrel after the pair; on the next straightaway, Gizmo gets an idea. The press of a button sends a long cable shooting forward from his unit; it snakes out of Beast Boy's mouth and catches on a thick strand of virus waste that stands a short way down an adjoining tunnel. As they rocket past the turn, the line snaps tight and their momentum carries them back into the new passage, safely out of reach of the white blood cells. Off they go into a new conduit, Gixmo reeling in the cable.)

(Dissolve to a close-up of a thick metal pipe. Gizmo slithers down into view from above, covered in slime and voicing strangled cries of revulsion; Beast Boy has just expelled him.)

Beast Boy: So...we're just gonna pretend this never happened. Deal? (Gizmo glares at him; Robin pops up on the comm.)

Robin: Gizmo! Beast Boy! Report!

Gizmo: Eh, blow it out your cake-hole.

(Beast Boy yelps in surprise; Robin snarls through gritted teeth as a vein throbs in his forehead.)

Beast Boy: I think he means we're almost there.

Robin: Almost isn't good enough.

Gizmo: Don't rush me, scuzz-breath.

(Long shot of the area; this conduit is very wide, and the metal pipe is one of many that stretch across it, connecting to posts on either side. Screens are set into these.)

Gizmo: The rate this virus is spreading, I don't even know if I can fix him anymore.

Robin: You have to. If the virus isn't stopped, Cyborg could wreck the entire city!

Beast Boy: (sadly) And I'm the idiot who wrecked Cyborg.

(He hangs his head and looks as if he might cry at any moment. Fade to black.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: a close-up of a screen on one of the posts. Pull back; a piece of equipment, shaped something like a battery pack, is extended into view on a pair of jointed arms and clamped onto the fixture. It has three buttons in a row; this is one of Gizmo's devices.)

Gizmo: (from o.c.) That oughta do it.

Beast Boy: (from o.c.) That oughta do what?

(On the end of this line, pull back to frame the pair. This post sits in a side tunnel and has many cables running to it.)

Gizmo: Simple. If Cyborg tries to wreck the city, this'll shut him down but good.

Beast Boy:'ll be able to turn him back on, right?

(Close-up of the three buttons. The left and right ones are glowing, and Gizmo reaches into view to press the center one and light it up as well.)

Gizmo: (from o.c.) Don't know... (Pull back to frame him.) ...don't care. (Beast Boy shoves him.)

Beast Boy: And I don't care if this virus wrecks the whole world! I'm not letting you hurt my friend! (He hits the button, powering down the unit.)

Gizmo: Yeah. That's your job, isn't it?

(A low blow indeed, judging from the poleaxed expression on the green microbe's face. Both start off back the way they came.)

Beast Boy: We'll find a way to stop the virus in time...somehow.

Gizmo: (pulls out a push-button device) I already found a way.

(A click, and we see the three buttons on his booby trap light up again; close-up as the left one goes green and starts to pulse. Cut to a high-voltage warning placard on a wall, then pull back to ground level, putting Cyborg's foot in view nearby. Longer shot, tilting up from him to frame the satellite dish of the Jump City communication hub. We are now close enough to see that its antenna is topped by a flashing red globe. A warped dissolve turns the whole setup into a colossal ice cream sundae, with the globe as a cherry on top; extreme close-up of the demented glutton's salivating tongue, tilting up to his bug-eyed, gleeful face.)

Cyborg: Oooooh! That is one big cherry!

(He licks his chops, and his entire face to boot-and then bursts through a gate in the wall. Before he can get too far into this enclosure, though, Robin jumps down to stop him, fighting staff in hand. The two face off briefly. Sight gag: the background behind Cyborg goes red as he snorts steam out of his nose, his head takes on a bull's horns and contour, and he paws the ground with one foot as it if were a hoof. Now the gag ends, and he charges straight at the young leader, knocking him silly.)

(A couple of wall sections are dropped in Cyborg's path thanks to Raven's powers, one ahead and one behind; soon two more fall to hem him in on all sides, and a fifth slams down on top for a ceiling. The telekinetic Titan lands to check the soundness of this impromptu holding pen, only to have Cyborg blow it up in her face from inside. She ends up flat on the concrete, and the totally crazed Titan runs laughing out of the smoking ruin.)

(He reaches a ladder that leads up to the dish and gets set to climb, but a rain of starbolts peppers the wall around him. Starfire has arrived, her face clearly showing the conflict between loyalty to a friend and the very real possibility that she may have to terminate him. Cyborg relieves her of the need to make that choice with a sonic cannon barrage, forcing her to dive away as he destroys part of the equipment installation. One last shot blasts her away as well; Robin arrives just in time to catch her, hair badly disheveled, eyes jittering uselessly in their sockets from the high-decibel energy. Cyborg, still slavering, gives them one last glare and starts to climb the ladder. Cut to a close-up of the cherry atop the mounds of ice cream in his bent view, then cut to him as he makes his way eagerly up the rungs.)

(Inside his system. Gizmo and Beast Boy head along a conduit, the camera tilting up to follow their course; this is a vertical passage. They stop short in a horizontal bend upon finding the walls thickly infested with virus drones.)

Beast Boy: They're gonna eat us! (No movement.) come they're not trying to eat us?

Gizmo: Because they're not stupid, stupid. The virus knows we can't stop it, and so do I. (He heads back.) This is a waste of skunking time. (Beast Boy blocks him.)

Beast Boy: Hey! You want to go for another ride? Then keep on moving.

(The mechanical genius with the sudden yellow streak thinks better of it and heads back into the overgrown stretches. He and Beast Boy stop briefly at an impassable wall of drones, which parts briefly to allow them into a connecting tunnel that is clear. Cut to them, then to a shot along the length, approaching a bright light at the end; they drift into view toward this and in. Dissolve to a slow pan across a wide circular chamber with a low, flat ceiling. Circuit panels cover every square inch of available space, and in the center is a thick pillar connecting floor to ceiling. Something black, with glowing yellow spots and many octopus-like tentacles, has wrapped itself firmly around this. Cut to the base of the pillar and tilt up slowly to frame the mass.)

Gizmo: (from o.c., awed) The viral core. (Cut to Beast Boy, stunned.) In theory... (drifts into the view, preparing/aiming blaster) ...I just have to nail it with my anti-viral program, and it'll get deleted.

(They have reached Cyborg's brain, then. Before Gizmo can fire his weapon, the whole place starts to shake and his aim is thrown off.)

Gizmo: Huh?

(A tentacle extends from the core body and aims itself at the two as lights flash on the end. The mass speaks with a typical computer voice.)

Core: Scanning...

(Its perspective of them, seen through a camera set in the probing appendage.)

Core: Scanning... (Gizmo's image dissolves to a crude graphic of itself.) Anti-viral code: obsolete. (It changes to show his blaster.) Threat: minor.

(Head-on view of the probe; the lights flash red.)

Core: Deletion: imminent.

(Many more sub-tentacles snake from the main ones, reaching toward Gizmo, and he cries out while dodging all over the brain chamber. One strikes the anti-viral blaster from his hand, and he figures he has had enough of this job. Cut to a long shot of an exit; he flies up toward it.)

Gizmo: I quit! (Out he goes.)

Beast Boy: Hey! Get back here!

(He makes a dive for the dropped weapon, but the core is too quick; one of those tentacles slams down and reduces the thing to dust.)

Beast Boy: That may not be able to stop you, but I will!

Core: Scanning...

(Its camera perspective of him; the green amoeba becomes a computer version of itself.)

Core: Single-celled organism. (Red circle-and-slash flashes over it.) Threat: zero.

(Head-on view; it reaches for Beast Boy.)

Core: Deletion: imminent.

(He flees. Cut to the satellite dish and tilt down to the base of its support tower as Cyborg's crackling feet step into view near it. Hit whole face frozen in a terrible, drooling grimace with lips peeled back, he plods inexorably toward the hardware; behind him, Starfire flies up, carrying Robin by the arms. She has recovered from the cannon blast, and as she rises, he whips a grappling hook down at the stricken hero. Its line loops around him and is pulled tight by the Boy Wonder, who quickly gets a considerable assist from Starfire, but their combined efforts are not enough to rein him in.)

(The sparks fly from Cyborg's entire body as he trudges toward the transmitter; as the two Titans are dragged along, Raven rises from the concrete deck behind them and hurls a black burst downward. This causes several underground pipes to break the surface and wrap him up snugly. Now he hauls on all these restraints with every ounce of strength, while the three sane Titans use all of theirs in an attempt to hold him back. The tug-of-war continues for several moments before Cyborg finally throws off all the bindings; the others are dumped backward as the remains of Raven's powers wash over them. By the time Robin gets to his feet, Cyborg has reached the base of the tower.)

(Inside his body, Gizmo hurtles along a conduit as drones start to pursue.)

Gizmo: Cludge it! I'm pulling the plug!

(He yanks out his controller and gets ready to hit it; cut to a close-up of his shutdown device. The leftmost button goes out, the center one starts to flash, and the drones continue their charge. Extreme close-up of the device in Gizmo's hand, but before he can kill the power, a drone's leg lashes into view and wraps him up. He is thrown off balance, losing his grip with a yell, and the drone that seized the item promptly eats it before returning to the pursuit. Once he has gained a bit of breathing room, he wheels to face the horde.)

Gizmo: Eat electrons, you pit-sniffing worms!

(He unleashes a missile salvo that fills the tunnel with explosions, but the drones emerge unscathed and keep right on coming. Off he goes, machine-gunning as many of the intruders as his onboard arsenal will reach. Dissolve to a patch of sky and tilt down to the satellite dish's antenna. Here comes Cyborg, drooling and moaning softly, but Robin leaps onto his back. The two grapple back and forth for a few seconds, whereupon Starfire plows into the armored chest, and after a few seconds of three-way melee, Raven's powers form a shield around them. She is at a distance, doing her best to hold them all in, but Cyborg's virus starts to push it outward, and she runs for cover before it explodes in a huge flash. All three chasers go sliding across the dish's concave surface, but the totally unbalanced maniac just moves on toward the antenna.)

(Inside his brain, one tentacle after another slams down after the frantically dodging Beast Boy, and the core begins to fire at him as well. He makes a beeline for Gizmo's exit, but two tentacles block it and whip back toward him. As he goes full throttle to stay ahead, he finds a bank of blasters warming up in his path. Sight gag: as he takes the hit, he briefly turns into a green skull and crossbones before dropping to the floor with a weak moan. However, he is quickly scooped up and carried close to the scanning probe. Pan from it to him.)

Core: (from o.c.) Single-celled organism. Mental capacity: zero. (Another probe extends to him.) Programming ability: zero. (Close-up of him.) Mathematical aptitude: zero.

(He has a brainstorm that causes a light bulb to pop up by his head.)

Beast Boy: You know, this cell may stink at math, (Zoom in on his eyes.) but I can still multiply!

(He drops o.c. Pull back to frame the end of the tentacle that grabbed him and the secondary probe, which looks around the place with some confusion. After a quiet pause, the grasping limb fractures into static as a huge mass of green organisms bursts free. Close-up: they all have the outline of Beast Boy's head, and every tiny face grins insanely. They swarm over the core with a happy yell, expanding steadily to fill the entire chamber, and overtake the main probe.)

Core: (losing steam) Scanning...processor...overwhelmed.

(Extreme close-up of the camera lens as it is engulfed. An alarm screams, but is quickly drowned out by the laughter of the uncountable Beast Boy microbes as they surge out of the chamber. Elsewhere, Gizmo is still making a break for it and laughing evilly to himself. Cut to his perspective, approaching the homemade kill switch; drones have taken over the area and are moving to intercept. His lips peel back in a silent, shocked grimace, and they leap up to take him on. Blaster fire lances out in all directions as they overpower him; he finds his voice with a yell before getting any words out.)

Gizmo: Hey! Get off of me! My suit!

(They bear him to the floor, but he drags himself forward against the formidable power of their collective grip. He gets one hand on the metal lip, then grins and extends his other index finger.)

Gizmo: Say good night, viro-scrunge!

(Close-up of the three buttons as he reaches toward the flashing center one. A mighty tremor brings him up short.)

Gizmo: Huh?

(Looking off to one side, he lets off a shocked yell; here come the green cells, still laughing and whooping. In no time flat, they have filled the whole space and left Gizmo floating at random amid their surging momentum. More yelling as he is swept out of view in the billowing tide. Cut to a close-up of the flashing red globe on the satellite dish's antenna. Cyborg shimmies up toward it, throwing sparks everywhere; close-up of his face as he opens wide to take a bite of the "cherry." When his teeth are just short of it, though, he pulls his head back with a grunt and goes into a very long windup for a sneeze.)

(It finally comes with explosive force, and a flood of green snot pours from his nose. In close-up, it is revealed to be made up of the Beast Boy cells and Gizmo, all of whom are screaming in fright at the super-high velocity of that sneeze. Cyborg has stopped sparking, but his eye implant and blue circuit lights go out as they did when his power cell failed in "The Sum of His Parts". Runnels of snot and drool dribble down as his natural eye rolls back in his head; with a weak little moan, he loses his balance and falls off the antenna. Long shot: his impact against the dish sends up a huge cloud of dust.)

(Dissolve to a close-up of him, now completely unconscious, and pull back as the three Titans who have been trying to stop his eating binge lean over him.)

Robin: Cyborg! Cyborg, answer me! (No response, but a couple of labored breaths.)

Starfire: No!

(Close-up of one inert hand. After a long, motionless second, the fingers twitch and all his lights come back on. The weary groan that escapes his lips next is met with three joyful smiles, and he sits up to face them, rubbing his head.)

Cyborg: What happened? (clutches his gut) Aw, my stomach! Feels like I ate a tire! (He belches out some junk.)

Raven: That's a distinct possibility.

Starfire: Then you are all right?

Cyborg: I think so. Something musta overloaded my systems and triggered an automatic reboot. After that, virus protection came back online. (wipes his nose) Whatever got into me, it's out.

Robin: Beast Boy! He did it!

(The newly healed black teenage half-robot regards the green smear on his forearm with sudden disgust.)

Cyborg: Aw, man, that better not be who I think it is.

(Dissolve to the exterior of the Tower. It is now later that night.)

Beast Boy: (from inside) And then, after we waded through all this black goop to get inside your brain...

(During this line, cut to the operations center. He addresses the camera, back in human form and pointing at his temple, while Robin and Raven stand behind him.)

Beast Boy: ...that's when we saw the viral core... (inflates his head briefly) ...which was this huge, jiggling--

Cyborg: (from o.c.) Whoa!

(Cut to him, sitting on the couch with a towel draped around his neck. Starfire stands behind him with a steaming bowl of food; she hands it to him on the next line.)

Cyborg: I appreciate what you did for me, but, dude, please. It's hard enough knowing you were running around inside me. I don't need to know what else was there. (Robin puts an arm around Beast Boy's shoulders.)

Robin: I have to hand it to you, Beast Boy. What you did was-- (Pan to Raven on the other side.)

Raven: --Pretty clever...for you.

Beast Boy: I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I'm dumb enough to try anything.

Starfire: Uh, I realize he is a cruel diminutive criminal who speaks the mean words and is not our friend...

(During the previous line, Cyborg tries a bit of Starfire's cooking; it sits so badly with him that his face seems to be trying to pull away from his skull and run off to a corner. If nothing else, this reaction shows that he is truly himself again.)

Starfire: ...but still I wonder, what became of Gizmo?

(Dissolve to the satellite dish's surface and zoom in on a green patch near the base of the antenna; the last of the snot Cyborg expelled from his sinuses. Dissolve to a close-up of it and continue zooming in.)

Gizmo: (from inside) Rassa-frassin Titans!

(Dissolve to within the phlegm. He swims frantically across the screen, with the last few virus drones on his heels. The miniaturization process never reversed itself, and he has lost his maneuvering unit to boot.)


(Fade to black.)

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